The phone…the phone is ringing…
Confession: I have seen more episodes of the Wonder Pets than any 31-year-old woman should. If you don’t know what I’m talking about and have some strange need to, click here, but I warn you, you’ll never hear the phone ring without singing that song in your head again.
I don’t talk on the phone. I have this weird anxiety relationship with phones, and I avoid them at all costs. I rarely text, unless I need to ask a quick question or answer a text from someone else. Although, admittedly, texting is an excellent way to avoid actually talking on the phone. If you want to get all lay-down-on-this-couch-and-tell-me-how-you-really-feel about it, you could probably trace it back to my childhood. My dad worked really long hours at a job he didn’t particularly like with people he didn’t always particularly like, and he was always the first one to get called in when something broke. Which, in an aging plant made of metal whose sole purpose was to create rust happened fairly often. So when my dad was on top of the “call-out list” (people who had to come in when things were broken) he usually told us not to answer the phone. Whenever it rang I’d get this panicky feeling in my chest and wonder “Is it work? Do I answer?” The times I’d forget and Dad had to go in to work on his day off I’d feel bad about it all day. Once it happened on Christmas morning. That kind of sucked. I felt pretty bad about that one. So there you have it. The psychoanalysis of my deep-seated anxiety whenever the phone rings.
In addition to my fear of the phone, I’m not really all that great at talking. I mean, if I have something to say it’s not so bad. I talk to people all the time about stuff when we’re in the middle of a conversation (that I probably didn’t start) or if I have something I want to say, but to sit down and “make conversation” terrifies me. When AJ and I take road trips, he usually does most of the highway driving and I do the city driving – which, on a drive to Pennsylvania, means he gets to do most of the driving. Naturally, there are times when he’s feeling a little tired, so he’ll look over at me and say “Talk to me. I’m tired.” Instantly, my mind goes blank, my face feels numb, and I freeze up. AJ is tired and DRIVING and my life and the lives of my children depend on my ability to make conversation and I’ve got NOTHING. It usually takes me about 10 minutes to work my way into a reasonable topic of conversation, if he’s lucky. If I can’t even manage to strike up a random conversation with my husband of 10 years in order to save the lives of our children, imagine how I feel about talking to strangers! EEK!
So I say all this to say, I’m not that great at communication. I started this post to let people know that I signed off of Facebook (permanently) recently. I know there are some people (okay, let’s be honest, it’s really only about 4) who like hearing what I have to say – so I didn’t delete my account because my blog will still post notes to Facebook, but I won’t be on it on a regular basis any more. I just have too many outlets for communication, and so I end up not using any of them. Between Facebook, Twitter, blogging, phones, texts, G+, e-mail and actual face-to-face conversations, I just end up never saying anything at all because I don’t know where to say what. Facebook is the most overwhelming – and therefore the one I avoid the most. I figure if I can whittle down my social media usage, maybe I’ll end up being more social. We’ll see how it goes. I’ll keep you posted. Although, it’s been less than 24 hours since I signed off Facebook and already I feel like I have more to say.
